The S Word....SUBMISSION

It doesn't evoke any positivity as far as I am concerned. And honestly, I don't know if we trust black men enough to give any sort of real power to them. I think it is tough because as black women, we trust ourselves and that's it. In order to defer, you gotta trust that the other person can lead you somewhere and that trust is not there at all.

To me, when I'm able to truly be myself submission is not an issue I give of myself freely and expect the same in return. Submission is problematic for me when I'm expected to immerse myself completely in someone else's expectations, requirements, or standards, therefore losing myself, my identity. Because i have experienced that before in a relationship, I became very oppositional, giving in only when I was physically forced to.

I definitely agree that submission has been equated to control and that's not what it means. I also agree that submission has been given to the wrong people. I've been involved with one person in particular, that took this to totally different level.

For years I was completely against it because and the meaning as well as the context it was used in, I viewed it very negatively. I've had issues with authority so, I certainly wasn't interested in the concept. I will say though today, I am willing to submit to a worthy king that is a strong leader that makes responsive choices. We can define it and tweak it our way to work the way we choose, versus the traditional shown above.

I don't think that a woman is obligated to submit to her partner in any way. This idea of submissiveness comes from the supposed "natural" gender roles that have been laid out. The reality is that people are incredibly diverse. For every “naturally” nurturing woman, there is a woman who finds the idea of having children foreign and frightening. For every man who loves to fix things, there is a man who would prefer to take his car to the shop or call a plumber. I know so many people who absolutely do not fit within these “natural” gender roles that it begins to make the idea of natural gender roles seem absurd, or at the very least way too simplistic and highly problematic. This isn't to say that all women shouldn't be submissive to their man but it does mean that not all women should be expected to be submissive to their man. A Woman should do what is most comfortable and desirable for her.
I have studied history, and I know that gender roles differ across regions and across time period. For example, some Native American societies were/are ruled by women, not men. In addition, the idea that women should inhabit the private sphere of the home while the man should inhabit the public sphere of the workforce, for instance, was literally invented in America – and in Europe as well – in the early 1800s. If a wife prefers to cook and a husband prefers to fix things around the house or do yard work, that’s fine. But what about the husband who prefers cooking and child rearing and the wife with the fulfilling high-level career? Those who believe in specific gender roles would see this couple as an abnormal, or even as problematic.
One more point. Girls are supposedly more nurturing and submissive while boys are more individualistic and exhibit more leadership qualities. The problem with taking this as an assumption is not just the exceptions to this, but also the fact that girls are actively socialized to be nurturing and submissive from birth while boys are actively socialized to be individualistic and leaders. Girls are given dolls and tea sets. Boys are given sling shots and books about explorers. What if you did the opposite? If we stopped socializing children into distinct gender roles, I’m convinced that gender roles would disappear. Gender roles, you see, are not natural. They’re socially constructed.

Just my thoughts.

I can share the feelings behind this post. You explained it in a light that makes all too much sense. We have natural roles that come into play from the universe. What we see today is a lot of the reversal roles and I can say that it is not bringing about the necessary progress. So yes submit to the ways of nature. What comes to us naturally through the alignment of the universe. I see it daily as a mother, not to downplay my significant other but there are things that he is so far left about when it comes to our children but then he pulls through in the areas that truly matter, having us covered and feeling safe.