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Post by amirinyahya on Aug 25, 2015 22:20:04 GMT -8
It's almost unreal to expect a woman to sacrifice her "life" to make sure her children are RAISED in today's society.
It's too easy to let schools and TV do it.
I'm sure not many women here can relate but many new age young women feel that "fun" is necessary and the children will just have to understand.
I've personally found myself feeding, clothing and sheltering children I barely knew because "mama busy" or "mama sleep" after a long night of partying.
Abandoned children has been a trend since we've been in this country BUT there was a time when we were FORCED to leave our babies.
Now it just seems frivolous.
So is the community then responsible for raising these children? Keeping them off the streets and trying as best we can to teach them how to thrive in this world?
How do we reach out to young mothers to help them understand the seriousness of their job?
I was raised in a time when we DIDN'T call "the people", we just did what needed to be done. But is there a line today? Should we involve "them" in our affairs?
I was a young mother so I've seen how easy it can to just hand your baby over to family.
My parents begged to take care of my son so I could "grow up" but I just couldn't let them. He WAS my "grow up".
Should we make these women be responsible and hope they'll step up or take over and rear these children before the streets do?.
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Post by OfficialMelaninMonro3 on Aug 27, 2015 12:27:09 GMT -8
This is a hard one lol.
Im a 70's baby. I was raised in a time where any adult in my neighborhood could correct or discipline me and sayin "Ima tell my Momma" only got me in bigger trouble when I hit the front door! Nowadays, you cannot do that anymore. Aside from the fact that most parents don't WANT anyone else disciplining or correcting their child(ren) anymore, you have to be leery of what the CHILD'S reaction will be! Will they curse you out? Will they fight you? Will they pull out a gun and take your life? Unfortunately, these are all very real possibilities in this day and time.
Another side to this is what happens if the child(ren) in custody are within your own family (i.e. cousins, nieces, nephews). What then? Do you step in and take up the slack where their parent(s) are lacking? Let me speak from my own personal truth. I helped my Mother to raise my now 21yr old nephew bc my brother wasn't ready to be a father and he wanted to give his son the best life possible. I was merely a child myself but I made a promise to my brother and hell couldn't stop me from keeping it. Over the years, it was HARD! My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my dad with Diabetes. There were times that I had resentment towards my brother AND towards my nephew's mom (he's really like my oldest son). I'd watch them buying new cars, houses, taking vacations and HAVING OTHER CHILDREN but NEVER sending any financial support for the child I was helping to raise. They didn't take him on family vacations or buy him school clothes or birthday cards or Christmas gifts! THAT WAS ALL ME AND MY MOMMA! Once that child was old enough to take care of himself, THEN they wanted to step in and be "parents"! That's a hard pill to swallow and I believe that's something that's rarely addressed in these type scenarios. What happens when you step in and basically raise these "unwanted" babies as your own and then, when all of the diapering, bottle fixing and toilet training is done, the birth parents come and say "That's my child!"?
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Post by investedmother on Aug 30, 2015 19:04:39 GMT -8
You know I'm an 80s baby and I had my son at 24 years old. And it wasn't until I became a mom that I discovered being a mother is not natural for all women. Some actually have to work hard at doing this beautiful role. Personally, I'd rather take on a role in the village than to make mom be responsible. This is why so many children are abused mentally and physically and or killed. As long as they have respect and listen to me. I will willingly provide what I can without taking away from my own. Lack of unity is a big problem in the black community today. These children need guidance love and structure. So I'm young but old school and modern I don't play with mine and I won't play with yours. Everybody is on the same playing field in my house. I can not knowingly witness a child that I know or my son is friends with act up or go without and I have the opportunity to step in and attempt to make a difference in some way. We should be responsible for the children that want to do and be better as a community.
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Post by miamikelli on Sept 21, 2015 15:08:37 GMT -8
This is a good question. I think we should step in the most respectful way (to the parent) possible to help discipline a kid,feed them, give them a ride, etc. and the have a conversation with the parent afterwards. But it goes deeper than that, we should really take the time to know our neighbors, kid's friends, teacher's, people in our area period and establish a sense of community. Because IT DOES take a village. I'm not always around my child but if my daughter's teacher, her friend's parents at the playground, members of my church, see her acting up or in need of something I would want them to be there for her, just as I would try to be there for another child in my community. We're in this together.
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Post by mskenya on Sept 21, 2015 15:59:22 GMT -8
Girl, my mother works at the Dept of Family and Children Services and I want to pull these young ladies to the side daily. It's hard, it's even more hard being a mother and not knowing how to do more to help those mothers and the babies. I've been up plenty of nights worrying about the village while my child slept. I don't really have a filter when it comes to the young women in my family though, they will get corrected and at the same time I try to teach the things that I've learned. I've always wondered why I feel obligated to do something, and I've accepted that it's just in us to be the village and do what we can, sometimes even if people go off on us for intruding. I could go on and on but now that I'm in my 30's I've accepted the fact that it is my duty to do something big or small. The babies need us
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maleny
Female
Posts: 5 
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Post by maleny on Oct 1, 2015 9:20:13 GMT -8
A lot of parents these days are not held accountable. First and foremost I don't understand how is it that we are required to be licensed for almost everything EXCEPT being a parent. A lot of the contents of the system is designed to set us up for failure. It should be a requirement to undergo some sort of evaluation that determines the readiness of an individual to become a parent. Yet there are so many women and men alike that take comfort in the system and its subsidies to do the things they should be doing for their children. Robbing the opportunity from those whom actually struggle, working endlessly to provide for their children, which in turn takes away from the time spent at home with them. its sad to say but most of the people who conduct themselves in such way are a product of their environment, meaning someone along the way failed them in some shape or form, and they, in term, are bound to repeat the cycle. From occasion to another it is perfectly fine for a parent to have their time. But there is to be a balance. Unfortunately most see this as an every weekend ordeal. There is a misunderstanding that this new age has brought about in the definition of good parenting. Being a provider is only half of the experience. Time is the most valuable. A question that should be ask to most parents these days is what do they remember most about growing up with theirs. Was it the things that they were bought or the experiences they shared?
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