|
|
Post by akanundrum on Aug 12, 2015 23:08:21 GMT -8
Black woman have been raised to be strong "go-getters" that take charge and go for what they want. Do you think it's problematic in courtship?
|
|
|
|
Post by Dr. Elle on Aug 18, 2015 14:50:49 GMT -8
Ok, If I'm a woman and your a man we are equal in value. Our opinions are valuable and based on our experiences and should be respected. Our personalities can either gel or clash. The notion of falling back for me means that experientially one person has more to offer than the other does on a given topic and so it would make since for the person with less experience, skill, or understanding, on a particular topic to "fall back". I believe that if you are a black woman and an issue comes up and you have less experience, aptitude, understanding then your man... you should fall back. I DON'T subscribe to the notion that just based on gender alone you should fall back. That is not logical and does not happen in any other scenario in life where success is the goal. For example. If you and your boo are buying a home, and you have bought property before and he has not, and you have a question, suggestion or comment... that could lead to a more successful transaction, WHY would you fall back? A better question is WHY would he want you to? 
Now If you and your boo are buying a home, and you both have brought property before and he is great at the art of negotiation... you should fall back .. He got it!! Why WOULDN'T you?? It just makes sense.
But yes if you refuse to fall back even when it makes sense, or if he wants you to fall back even when it doesn't your strong, take charge, go-getterness WILL cause problems!!
|
|
|
|
Post by abeautifulmind on Aug 18, 2015 16:24:10 GMT -8
That is a great question and I look forward to reading others opinions on this. I know for me, I often find my strength and independence too intimidating to men. It's really hard for me to not be in charge because I've always had to be in life and my relationships. It's almost like men want a woman that's independent, strong, has a good job, her own place, educated, and classy but at the same time that type of strength makes them feel unneeded and useless. I try my best to make the other person feel needed, feel wanted, respected, and as if they are the king and I am the queen but if things are not getting done then I make it happen. I think men want a strong go-getter mind but a submissive heart in a woman. I think men and women should be equal but at the same time play your part, because everyone has a role or part in the relationship. It's okay to be a strong woman but don't take from your man's strength and make him feel like less of a man or like he is not needed or wanted. Men like to know that they are needed and not just for intimate reasons. My only advice for women would be don't lose yourself trying to please your man.
Now that I have went all the way around the world to answer your question, yes I think it causes problems in relationships but it doesn't have to. Communication is key! If you both understand each others strengths and weakness then falling back at the right time should not be a problem. It does not have to mean that you are no longer a go-getter. I think it shows maturity because a strong woman can fall back and still hold her head up high!
~Teeya~
|
|
|
|
Post by roaringson on Aug 18, 2015 17:22:14 GMT -8
As a man in  ? "search" for the soul I'll call my queen. I will say this. I love this question. More I love the honesty. I will say as a man it depends on the man. For this point is your strength increasing his strength? Or is your take charge causing him to step back therefore challenging his pride? This is the question that should be asked when answered. I love that question but I don't think it's so much of your actions queens as is to his reaction. Men are challenged with the amazing transition of when two comes together he takes in account more purely the woman's pride and heart. So it might lead men to having to check ourselves when they first would have an easy decision due to your strength or the lack of your strength. But Idk just my opinion. |
|
|
|
Post by abeautifulmind on Aug 18, 2015 17:31:12 GMT -8
roaringson, I have to say thank you for your honesty! I think pride definitely plays a part in this question, on both ends. Some women are so quick to say a man's pride gets in the way but I'm the type of woman that realizes that women too sometimes allow their pride to get in the way and destroy things before they can even begin to grow. ~Teeya~
|
|
|
|
Post by shindanaa on Aug 18, 2015 17:33:21 GMT -8
As a take charge woman I have had to learn to fall back at times in a relationship especially in the formative stages of dating. An elder once told me that women must know when to lead and when to be led.
Ultimately I will stand be side my king and fight to the death for our family and our people but I do expect him to have the strength to be our first defender. I know he needs to feel empowered enough to lead our household and raise our young kings. The reality is that none of our black men are living in a society where they are celebrated and made to feel that they are powerful beyond imagine. I feel that black women at times need to be more mindful of this.
|
|
|
|
Post by abeautifulmind on Aug 18, 2015 17:34:54 GMT -8
|
|
eddii
Female
Posts: 3 
Relationship: Single Searching
|
Post by eddii on Aug 24, 2015 15:17:16 GMT -8
|
|
eddii
Female
Posts: 3
Relationship: Single Searching
|
Post by eddii on Aug 24, 2015 15:34:01 GMT -8
I believe that yes, it can be very problematic to a relationship. However it doesn't need to be, communication is SO KEY! Talk about your triggers, talk about his triggers, what does he need from you? What do you need from him? Men are the leaders and the protectors and women are the nurturers and comforters, I don't see what's so wrong with that. You can be independent but still submissive to your man. No, you don't need him to pay for your meal, no, you don't need him to open your door, hell you don't even need him to chip in for rent, but you do because you guys are a unit. Support your man, don't just bulldoze over him.
|
|
leoqueen4u
Female
Worthy and deserving of a GREAT KING...Reciprocity is key!
Posts: 10
Relationship: Single Not Looking
|
Post by leoqueen4u on Aug 25, 2015 19:27:14 GMT -8
It truly does depend on who you're involved with and how you both communicate with each other. As a woman, I am independent because I've had to be, but I also know when to fall back and how to do so appropriately. However, for some males and females it will still be problematic, doing that still won't be enough for them. For example, I'm handy when it comes to assembling things, hanging televisions and etc. I was with a guy that wasn't so handy and even after "falling back" several times allowing him to do these manly things men are labeled to do, it was still a problem simply because I could do something he couldn't. He was great at other things I couldn't do, but I didn't get mad or irritated with him because he could it do better than me. It's a respectable, non offending give and take.
|
|
|
|
Post by truglory on Aug 28, 2015 23:07:37 GMT -8
Of course. It hard being everything that a man need all that a man needs. When God said we were here to be a man's help mate. That literally mean "help with everything" lol. It does get overwhelming. As black women we need to learn to put our foot down and allow a man who to love us. We are lovable. We have the potential to be the Queens that we are to any man. We can't wear all the hats in a relationship. We can change the colors, style, and positions of the hats though
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2015 22:02:17 GMT -8
Yes because ultimately men are attracted to the feminine spirit of a woman, that which is RECEPTIVE, gentle, emotional, nurturing etc. Both energies masculine and feminine need to be present to have a successful relationship and courtship. The problem is that the go getter energy is a masculine one and if she's taking charge she is not only usurping her role as a woman but is denying the man's rightful and divine role as GIVER. I believe the most successful marriages are the ones where the man leads in his masculine energy and the woman follows and responds in her femininity. He takes charge. That strong go getter spirit, i think, actually turns off a man and won't get the woman far in a lasting commitment until she learns to sit back and ease off of the controls.
|
|
|
|
Post by ajashavon on Sept 7, 2015 12:18:36 GMT -8
I think that it can be both problematic and beneficial. Problematic in that it can blind us to what is good and helpful for the other person. Maybe they're the type of person that needs time to think about things; whereas, the go-getter knows what she wants,when, where, how and from who, etc. On the other hand, it could be beneficial in courting because of the same reason. Some people just need a push, and that's where the go-getters come in.
|
|
WokeQueen13
Female
Hi! New here, looking forward to connecting...
Posts: 1
Relationship: Single Searching
|
Post by WokeQueen13 on Nov 16, 2016 9:20:37 GMT -8
This is a great topic. I've had a few debates on this topic myself.
I believe that most strong men don't mind a go getter in their woman, I believe the issue is in the ego sometimes. That could be from the woman or the man; the woman may feel her go getter mentality positions her to be the leader in all aspects and doesn't need anyone else's input or direction which can be almost emasculating for men who are meant to be leaders and protectors of a family and house hold. Then there are some men who need their women to be more docile less than them (that doesn't fly honey lol); this is where I see the issues occur during courtship, the struggle for power.
I find it somewhat funny that women and men fight for power not realizing their powers are different for a reason. Women can be go getters, successful, powerful and also be supportive and allow their man to lead; this is the exchange of power versus the release of power. Le struggle lol. |
|
