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Post by akanundrum on Aug 31, 2015 12:41:43 GMT -8
Child Support is one of the MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS in the Black Community,
in my opinion it's because we have a very different relationship with "the system".
For men its the ULTIMATE act of betrayal by a Black woman because it's viewed as:
Turning on a Black Man and putting him into the system
For women it's the ultimate act of abandonment because it means:
You left a Black woman here to struggle alone and deal with the system
For a parent that has every intention and ability to pay CS,
wouldn't it be to their benefit since it creates a verifiable record that they are meeting their
financial obligations, thus potentially empowering them when situations arise? But the stigma about
child support is not different than stereotypes...we tend to base the whole on a few true negatives.
It seems to me the greatest fear the non custodial parents face is:
What if I lose my job?? I'll owe back pay and I can get in trouble.
Yet that same fear doesn't stop us from entering into other financial commitments like:
buying a car, leasing an apartment, 2 year cell phone contracts, etc.
There's also the issue of how the child support money is being used; the non custodial
parents feel their money is being misappropriated;
Then of course it's children being used as ransom:
what have your experiences been with child support; negative or positive.
What are some alternatives you've used. Speak and/or Vent below.
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Post by akanundrum on Aug 31, 2015 12:58:03 GMT -8
Do you think this post should also be placed separately on the men's and women's forum?
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Post by ria85 on Aug 31, 2015 13:56:38 GMT -8
I think there are a lot of pretenders out here. My second daughters father is one. He's the man who chimes in at the child support vent session but never tells the whole story. THE VENT.. Child support takes all my money... THE TRUTH.. the money he pays is very minimal and he is behind for most of the time he has been on it yet he buys gifts for his new girlfriend not to mention they have a child together and they live with his MOM. I'm sure if a lot of men who do struggle and grind to provide for their children knew of the truth he hides, they'd be ready to boot him out the circle. In fact he tells everyone I'm petty for putting him on child support but HIS OWN GRANDMOTHER asked me to do it and made me promise to hold him responsible.
I have never taken him to court to deny him visitation with his child... He hasn't seen her in a year except when he called the police on the daycare provider who wasn't comfortable letting him take the child since she had not seen him in over 6 months. I'm sure there are a lot of other pretenders out here. They make it worse for the better men. Also the money is never enough. If I put the same amount of money toward our child that he does, I'd have $5 a week left over after only pay g her child care... And he doesn't pay anything now. What about when I take off work. What about the fact he has a whole new family but I'm restricted by babysitting fees and having to come home. I think that hits a lot of women too. Men complain about money but what about my time and my energy. On the other hand there are some skeezy women out here who leave their kids to the wind and only want they check to go clubbing... Pretenders on both sides make the waters muddy
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thickyfitt01
Female
Posts: 59 
Relationship: Single Not Looking
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Post by thickyfitt01 on Aug 31, 2015 15:39:15 GMT -8
Do you think this post should also be placed separately on the men's and women's forum? Nope I'd like to see how men and women feel about this topic. |
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Post by UncommonCourtesy on Aug 31, 2015 17:04:26 GMT -8
Do you think this post should also be placed separately on the men's and women's forum? Nope I'd like to see how men and women feel about this topic. I AGREE!!! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HOW MEN AND WOMEN FEEL ABOUT THIS TOPIC AS WELL!! |
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Post by acamp403 on Sept 1, 2015 1:27:08 GMT -8
U know its really crazy. I put both my sons dads on child support for one for medical support. I dnt know why they get so upset, ok i didnt like putting them in the system, but whn they dont have medical insurance or they not paying for doctors visits then what. Men can be very selfish. I told my son dad put him on medical insurance and i will take you off, because hell he dnt pay the sh*t anyway. He didnt even do that, but will go buy my son $200 sneakers and cell phones clothes but i ask for help with a bill he dnt have it. Priorities
f-edup. They dnt realize bills have to do with the child,i make sure he eats i make sure he has a place to live, get his homework done etc... Its also a respect factor. i can go get him clothes and then what they got left to do. He spend time with him whn he wants too. Moms dnt have a choice of when we want to. Ive had this conversation so many times with his dad. He s like well if he was with me it would be the same way. But what they dnt see is i dnt wanna give up my son, so thats why he with me. So they need to be a man and act accordingly. Its not hard, but they make it soooo difficult. i dnt deny him visits, none of that. Child support is made a big issue with them whn its not especially if you know the mom will use the money the rt way. I think its also a control issue.Im so over it tho forreal, whn he do them taxes it will come. So i dnt even say nothing about it anymore, whatever they mean for bad will turn out for the good. I work i dnt ask this guy for nothing, what he do he do, cuz im tired of the nonsense.
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cham
Female
Posts: 7
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Post by cham on Sept 1, 2015 22:49:02 GMT -8
I dont have any kids yet but i have two younger brothers and it really grinds my gears that he doesnt pay child support. You would think how much men hate cs they would pick their baby mothers more carefully but of course not. They have the audacity to be reckless twice over when it comes to this situation.
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Post by etnupe on Sept 2, 2015 11:09:25 GMT -8
This thread should go in the women's forum. No matter what we say, if we aren't white knighting, thr women will bash us. I personally live with my son and wife, but I do think women need to stop playing the victim when they are the ones deciding if a child is born or not.
We (2 adults) decide to have sex
She (1 adult) decides to follow through with the baby.
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alikakaluwa
Female
Most beautiful forgotten one
Posts: 16
Relationship: Single Searching
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Post by alikakaluwa on Sept 2, 2015 17:37:51 GMT -8
I guess I see both sides to the child support debate...well there are more than 2 so I see all the sides! I have a daughter who is 8 years old. I put her father on child support because he went ghost after I had her. I don't mean just laid low, I mean changed numbers, got a new job, moved to a different state ghost! I blamed me for his disappearance because I had to have done something horrible to make him leave this beautiful girl. I went over our relationship again and again trying to figure it out. I had no clue why he left. We had broken up a week before I found out I was pregnant, I offered a dna test and everything (not because I was unfaithful but because I personally think all men should get one) but he declined. Child support was because he left me with no other choice, I couldn't force him to be there physically but I felt he needed to be there financially. Now fortunately for me and my daughter, I have a good paying job and my benefits are incredible so the checks he sends to his daughter are in his daughter's savings account. I don't touch it, it is not mine. For the women out there that do need that help, that money should go to the children and if he misses a payment or something, that's not grounds to keep him away from his kids. After 3 or 4 years of my ex being gone, he shows up and I let him back into his daughter's life...some said too quickly but my thoughts were, he missed the last 4 years of her life...I won't be the reason he misses a second more. I didn't talk bad about him around our daughter, I made sure when she was sick or at the hospital an email was sent...what I think a lot of females forget is if you are doing your job as a parent, a child will see that and act accordingly. You don't have to compete or diss your ex for his/her absence or neglect...kids are very observant. If he/she isn't doing what he is supposed to be doing, let the judge handle that. Leave that argument in the courtroom and be parents to your children outside of it. When I went to court, I felt ashamed...I couldn't understand how two consenting adults needed a stranger to help them figure parenting out. I think we all should feel that way. If you are old enough to have babies, let's be old enough to raise them!
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Post by awakewhileusleep on Sept 7, 2015 19:06:56 GMT -8
Do you think this post should also be placed separately on the men's and women's forum? |
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Post by awakewhileusleep on Sept 7, 2015 19:55:33 GMT -8
On the other hand there are some skeezy women out here who leave their kids to the wind and only want they check to go clubbing... Pretenders on both sides make the waters muddy
but before i get too far off track, i understand why child support is needed because i experienced first hand what its like to have a dead beat parent in the lives of my children.. my struggles were real, and are still on going.. my children are grown now and im finally at a point this year where i've being going to court to handle what she has done to us. needless to say, i support child support laws but at the same time it has left an infinite bad taste in my mouth. |
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Post by kismetskiss on Sept 8, 2015 20:01:04 GMT -8
I'm divorced and barely get child support, I asked my ex what could he afford, he gave me a number I said ok. In 2 years I've received that money in full 3 times. However I will not go to child support because I refuse to beg a white man to make a black man financially support his child. Am I rich nope in fact by the time we divorced I had lost my good paying job and then walked away from my house. I will not fight for money ever because if I make 2 or 200 dollars I am capable of taking care of mine. I personally know women go to cs because they are no longer in a relationship with the dad,I know deadbeats who aren't doing anything and the mom is struggling and then there's ones who aren't on cs and fully care for the child/ children. So yes I've seen all sides however the system is not for me
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blkqueenk
Female
Posts: 2
Relationship: Single Searching
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Post by blkqueenk on Sept 12, 2015 15:53:56 GMT -8
I feel like if the child is being taken care of then there should be no reason for Court's involvement. My son's father and I split everything down the middle from finances to time. It works for us but I know there are plenty women who don't have the same support so they have to resort to CS. And I also know a lot of women who use CS to punish the man. It's unfortunate but it happens
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Post by mskenya on Sept 14, 2015 6:22:08 GMT -8
I completely agree, there is no need for the courts if both parents can figure it out. It's unfortunate when I see women do it out of spite. Kudos to you and your family
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