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Post by akanundrum on Sept 7, 2015 11:39:10 GMT -8
When you apply for a job, one of the MOST VITAL facets taken into
consideration is what your previous employers have to say about you.
In our new relationships, we may not have access to our significant
others exes, but if so...would you use them as a reference?
And when you can't what other things do you take into
consideration, ie:
Do you factor in how they treat their ex?
How they talk about their ex?
If they're vindictive and petty towards their ex?
Or, do you completely ignore their past situations? |
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kesco
Male
Searching for my muse
Posts: 121 
Relationship: Single Not Looking
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Post by kesco on Sept 7, 2015 14:29:25 GMT -8
I would have no problem getting a reference from any of my exes. That being said, I believe that is not typical. Most relationships do not end well and at times there are a lot of hurt feelings still deep down that will make people still angry. In a perfect world we would remember that there were things about that person that caused to love them. Now in the case of emotional and physical abusers, there should be no expectation of the nice memories bubbling to the top of the list.
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Post by Nei on Sept 9, 2015 11:47:27 GMT -8
I wouldn't ignore their past, but I wouldn't let it serve as the blueprint on how to proceed either.
There are differences in people when it comes to relationships. They way he acted with her was due in part to his personality and in part to hers. The way he acts with me is due in part to his personality and in part to mine. She and I are different beings so actions and reactions will differ.
I do pay attention to how people talk about their exes. If he bashes her, speaks disrespectfully about her, or still show signs of anger it raises questions and an orange flag. Why so much animosity? What caused her to have that effect on you? Why does she still have that effect on you? What feelings have you repressed about her and how will they manifest themselves in your current relationship?
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Post by konsciousMind on Oct 2, 2015 11:09:39 GMT -8
Personally I have no connection with my exes. But i have no issue giving thier name up. As for my spouse we joke around about certain exes. But i do pay attention to how he talks about them and the terms used. I wouldnt go to them and niether would he because there was a reason they are not together. What they have to say about him doesn't really matter because 6 yrs later so many things, the important things have changed. To dwell is to invite negative energy
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