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Post by OfficialMelaninMonro3 on Sept 8, 2015 18:26:10 GMT -8
In a long term committed & monogamous relationship, how do u show that you are fully invested in building a future without doing "Wifey" duties with a "girlfriend" title? Is it possible? Is that a big deal?
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Post by Professor O on Sept 9, 2015 8:04:45 GMT -8
Its a big deal if you make it one, or if it bothers you to that degree that it becomes one. Communication is very important here. Make your intent plain and communicate it. Be open and honest about what you want and need.
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Post by rayjefury on Sept 16, 2015 9:58:00 GMT -8
In a long term committed & monogamous relationship, how do u show that you are fully invested in building a future without doing "Wifey" duties with a "girlfriend" title? Is it possible? Is that a big deal? Tough question if you think about it. Because there is some overlap in the space occupied by both a wife and girlfriend (though the auspices under which you'd operate and the interpersonal dynamics might be vastly different). So I'd definitely encourage communication and by that I don't just mean talking, I mean hearing the message, and hearing it as intended. Nothing worse than a miscommunication where you heard the other person and thought you understood what they meant. There are things you will need going forward in the relationship and so will your partner. No one out here is a mind reader. It's cool to observe and learn, but direct input is always best. So communicate with one another. Finally as a girlfriend or boyfriend, I'd advocate being just that; the boyfriend or the girlfriend. And not in terms of having a defined set of activities that are off limits, but in understanding the motivation behind the actions you take. I think nowadays most dating folks center their behavior around attracting prospects or advertising themselves. I'm saying instead this: focus on the product, not the marketing. It's really not your job to sell yourself to a significant other. I understand people end up "doing" things that their S/O is supposed to like, in the hopes that makes them seem more appealing. But it should be your focus to simply be the best "you", you can be and let those who recognize that worth pursue after it on their own accord. Diamonds don't need marketing; when you know what they are, you know what they are. I especially say focus on yourself during the boyfriend/girlfriend phase, because once you are married all of that is over. That's the true difference (IMO) between being married vs just being together. Once you are married (i.e. pushing all your chips in on one person, physically, emotionally, economically, legally, spiritually, etc.) there is no focus on "you". No decisions "you" make, no consequences "you" suffer. It's all "us" then. Everything about you, by conscious agreement, affects the other person. If you're the S/O, be the best you you can be and focus on you If you're the spouse, make your marriage the best it can be and focus on that *end diatribe* |
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Post by OfficialMelaninMonro3 on Sept 16, 2015 11:21:22 GMT -8
Thank you for your input. I am writing a blog post on this and wanted to give as much input as I possibly could but I honestly did not know how to approach the topic or where to even begin trying. My Fiancé and I spoke about it but couldn't come up with anything either bc we realized that we never had a defined set of limitations on what we could, would or should do (or not do) for one another. We began as best friends (10+ yrs) and the transition was so effortless that we never felt the need to set boundaries in our relationship. I was approached about righting this piece a while ago and recently decided to pursue it. Your input has been invaluable to me towards this endeavor. Thank you.
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