Selfish Years
Sept 8, 2015 19:33:51 GMT -8
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akanundrum, justpeachy, and 1 more like this
Post by ShyaDee on Sept 8, 2015 19:33:51 GMT -8
Affected. A light came on. Sitting here lost in thought concerning my next move. . . especially since I've been playing this game not even realizing the full extent of how I'm losing. . . gotta fall back and be selfish. BC I've been giving too much and receiving the minimum. No full respect && not enough appreciation to be stressing myself out concerning thoughts of "us" I can hardly get you to speak on.
Because at the end of the day if you respected me like I thought you did there'd be more answered questions & less time in between to entertain those of others. I've been giving all the benefits of something "more than friends" stuck in this friend zone. Lol. How foolish of me. Knowing I deserve more. How foolish of me to be at a person's beck and call all on an uncertainty. I've settled for the brief comfort of something "new" BC the joy is never the same once the distance kicks back in.
I'm a "friend", you know the things you " don't have" yet you entertain them in the loads. And whose to say when I'm gone that you're not comforting another "friend" in the same light?? BC again how would I know? What could I say being stuck in this "friend zone". . . I'm losing and you're reaping the gains of my loss.
Been making all these excuses for your actions but at the end of the day. You've been the same " fuck NIGGA" who won't speak on what things are or what you plan for them to be from jump. I continue to ask the same question and you continue to be stumped. . . which leaves me stumped too. And boy have I grown too much to be cut back down to the base. I've been focused on progression. Idk how I allowed myself to get trapped in this lesson.
Cut all possibilities off for a possibility. . . lol. Silliest shit I've heard. And even sillier knowing I'm referring to myself being the silly one in this silly situation. But if the "feelings" were genuinely mutual. . . there wouldn't be talk or reference to a silly anything. BC the guy that truly cares wouldn't allow himself or anyone else to place you in a silly position. BC you'd be EVERYTHING SPECIAL TO HIM !!! Never his "nothing special" to the inquiring minds he'd encounter.
But there are those guys who don't realize just how special you are to them. Until you're no longer the girl whose call they screen BC you've ceased using your energy to call. Those guys who never realize how much you mean to them until missing you becomes their #1 thing. But then again, all cases don't rock like that. Some people just aren't who you think they are. And in that position. You take the lesson and move on. Bc what's meant to be will be. And what's yours no one can have.
But then again if everyone has "your attention" that's usually how you miss out on what's yours in the first place. BC if they're time energy and effort doesn't match their words. You should know where you stand without question of how you'd have to play your next move. If you're not his Queen! You're not his anything. Pick your position wisely. Guard your heart even wiser.
His time, actions, effort, words should all be in sync. And should all be used to show you how much you mean to him. EVERYDAY AS HIS SOMETHING SPECIAL!! motivating you to pursue your goals, being man enough to put your priorities before his own, pushing himself to be a better him to sustain a better "y'all", treating you with the same respect he'd want to treat his mom, not requiring anything of you that'd require you to disrespect yourself for him. But loving you ferociously BC he knows that's nothing less than you deserve.
Learn to be selfish with yourself BC those who don't truly appreciate you will be selfish with you to benefit themselves. And those are the ones you should run from. Those are the ones who miss out on the best things life gives them. Dont punish yourself trying to be something or someone they aren't appreciating. Love yourself enough to walk away even if it slightly hurts to let go.
-Shya
(152101/old writing)
Because at the end of the day if you respected me like I thought you did there'd be more answered questions & less time in between to entertain those of others. I've been giving all the benefits of something "more than friends" stuck in this friend zone. Lol. How foolish of me. Knowing I deserve more. How foolish of me to be at a person's beck and call all on an uncertainty. I've settled for the brief comfort of something "new" BC the joy is never the same once the distance kicks back in.
I'm a "friend", you know the things you " don't have" yet you entertain them in the loads. And whose to say when I'm gone that you're not comforting another "friend" in the same light?? BC again how would I know? What could I say being stuck in this "friend zone". . . I'm losing and you're reaping the gains of my loss.
Been making all these excuses for your actions but at the end of the day. You've been the same " fuck NIGGA" who won't speak on what things are or what you plan for them to be from jump. I continue to ask the same question and you continue to be stumped. . . which leaves me stumped too. And boy have I grown too much to be cut back down to the base. I've been focused on progression. Idk how I allowed myself to get trapped in this lesson.
Cut all possibilities off for a possibility. . . lol. Silliest shit I've heard. And even sillier knowing I'm referring to myself being the silly one in this silly situation. But if the "feelings" were genuinely mutual. . . there wouldn't be talk or reference to a silly anything. BC the guy that truly cares wouldn't allow himself or anyone else to place you in a silly position. BC you'd be EVERYTHING SPECIAL TO HIM !!! Never his "nothing special" to the inquiring minds he'd encounter.
But there are those guys who don't realize just how special you are to them. Until you're no longer the girl whose call they screen BC you've ceased using your energy to call. Those guys who never realize how much you mean to them until missing you becomes their #1 thing. But then again, all cases don't rock like that. Some people just aren't who you think they are. And in that position. You take the lesson and move on. Bc what's meant to be will be. And what's yours no one can have.
But then again if everyone has "your attention" that's usually how you miss out on what's yours in the first place. BC if they're time energy and effort doesn't match their words. You should know where you stand without question of how you'd have to play your next move. If you're not his Queen! You're not his anything. Pick your position wisely. Guard your heart even wiser.
His time, actions, effort, words should all be in sync. And should all be used to show you how much you mean to him. EVERYDAY AS HIS SOMETHING SPECIAL!! motivating you to pursue your goals, being man enough to put your priorities before his own, pushing himself to be a better him to sustain a better "y'all", treating you with the same respect he'd want to treat his mom, not requiring anything of you that'd require you to disrespect yourself for him. But loving you ferociously BC he knows that's nothing less than you deserve.
Learn to be selfish with yourself BC those who don't truly appreciate you will be selfish with you to benefit themselves. And those are the ones you should run from. Those are the ones who miss out on the best things life gives them. Dont punish yourself trying to be something or someone they aren't appreciating. Love yourself enough to walk away even if it slightly hurts to let go.
-Shya
(152101/old writing)