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Post by ria85 on Sept 23, 2015 10:12:31 GMT -8
Ok so I have had a rough time meeting new men in the "dating to be married" pool. Im 30 with two daughters and I live in a town that I have no friends or family in so Im literally starting from scratch. Anyway, the one guy I have found here is everything and yet nothing at all! He will be 28 in a few weeks. He has no children. He works 1 night a week and also does other jobs here and there (he is a DJ). Because I am looking for men who are open to marriage, I kinda put him to the side. He has SAID he likes being single but one day I noticed that he was taking up a lot of my free time. Some people I see every now and again are surprised im "still around". I know most of his family and friends. He is African and most times, I am the only American around. A lot of his friends have kids by other American women but Im the only one showing up at weddings and funeral gatherings and at most mingle gatherings. I have literally "argued" down his grandmother because she thinks we are heavily dating. Im not with him 24/7 but as far as I can tell (because the African community is small and ppl gossip like no ones business), he doesn't entertain other women and I know he hates it when other men approach me. Anyway, I am at the point of almost hating him because I like him so much but I feel there is no point in me putting my effort into this glorious friendship. When I think about our status, it really doesnt bother me that we arent an offical committed couple. People say they are committed but arent so....But I find myself more frustrated and thinking "damn ...if we moved in together bills would be a lot less and savings would be a lot more" or "man where can I take my little one next year when she starts kindergarten since her current daycare isn't in the same district as her home school". This got me to thinking...Is marriage really about love or business and if it is about business, is that really all that wrong? In many countries for years, marriages were arranged between people who may never have met before yet 65 years later, they are still married. I have a co-worker from India who married her husband 10 days after she met him and they have the most beautiful marriage.
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Post by akanundrum on Sept 23, 2015 11:02:45 GMT -8
EXCELLENT POST - EXCELLENT QUESTION! I think marriage is definitely a union of interdependcy - that comes on many levels; financial, daily functionality, etc. The problem in the past is that people were assigned to one particular role regardless of their ability to handle the role. Now that each sec is freer to operate in their desired capacity, people seem a little happier in their roles until society/friends/family make them feel out of place. Personally, I've always sought a man that could function domestically and in the job sector because I'm also capable of both. That way, regardless of what happens...we could have each others back.
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jshabazz18
Male
Posts: 13 
Relationship: Single Searching
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Post by jshabazz18 on Sept 27, 2015 12:53:35 GMT -8
akanundrum1 Facts I think marriage is completely a business but you should trust and feel for them for it to be successful .
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Post by rayjefury on Sept 29, 2015 8:27:05 GMT -8
Is marriage a business? I would say no, only because so much can be lost in the semantics of saying it that way. There are legal and economic ramifications for what the state recognizes as the social contract of marriage; that could be considered business orientated. But the day to day interaction with one another is more about social functionality within the home: You're taking care of business, but it's not a business. Does that make sense?
Love is a part of marriage, but we don't always feel in love with one another. Sacrifice is a part of marriage, but there are times in marriage where we are selfish (and the other person has to either accommodate us or confront us). Respect is a part of marriage but there are times when don't give each other the due portion. So... yes there are financial implications (tax write off, mutual finanical obligations, risks, and opportunities), and there is work to be done. But just like love, sacrifice, and respect, they are a part of what marriage is, not all of what marriage is (at least in my opinion).
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Post by amirinyahya on Oct 5, 2015 9:45:46 GMT -8
Marriage is business, love. We love each other of course but when we don't LIKE each other, it's the mission that keeps us together. As far as this guy goes, I'd say fall back. Don't be so ready for marriage that you damage yourself in the process. When a man is ready, he's READY but when he's not, there's no forcing him into it and most times when we try they're not shy to leave our broken hearts in the dust behind them. Marry your own values first. Be loyal to your needs first.
Don't worry about who is or isn't in your town, because your mr. Right may be a passing visitor...or a random meeting somewhere else-so definitely don't limit yourself.
When you're 100% invested in becoming and attracting what you want (not just what's available) the perfect situation will present itself. Don't settle for "almost" in the meantime.
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