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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2015 22:24:59 GMT -8
h82lose Where ever you go, you take YOU with you. A person will always reflect back to you what you are giving them. We just covered in our eCourse that MOST times when people feel like you do about relationships it's because they're not speaking the other person's love language either. Usually we love people in our own love language hoping they'll reciprocate it - we never take time to learn how they want to be loved. In return, they love us in THEIR love language and everyone feels unfulfilled. It's about learning the other person and COMMUNICATING our needs to them. YES! |
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Post by akanundrum on Sept 7, 2015 0:01:20 GMT -8
This is an interesting topic because I'm currently co parenting with a woman within the Asian ethnic group and this question came to me before. Growing up, my mother was drug addicted. Although she made end meet, I was traumatized by the things she did. Until this day, I'm not sure if I'm the only one out of my siblings that witnessed her using or engaging in acts with her temporary guy "friends" but I know for sure it may have taken the largest toll on me.. My father married my mother's cousin. And she was, to me, the wicked witch of the west. Tortured me n favored my brother (as everyone else in my family did). And every other woman in my family bad mouthed me because I had no respect for them. Ever. Even as a baby only 5 yrs I was mocked and told I would be dead before I reached 14. And I knew it sounds insane but it's actually true. All of that, I believe played a huge role in me dating outside if my race. And I would do almost anything to protect my black woman. My own mother, I feel, never protected me and neither did any other woman of color. Who's to say any other black woman would? I may be young but it shouldn't be that hard to find one.. I needed and still long for the protection of my black woman. But, it hasn't happened yet. Can't necessarily say this applies to every black man but it surely applies to me. I COMMEND YOU FOR SPEAKING UP AND SPEAKING OUT on a VERY TABOO and HARD TOPIC. I APPRECIATE YOU KING! |
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Post by Professor O on Sept 9, 2015 8:20:04 GMT -8
I thought this topic was of interest and clicked to see whats being stated. For me, Ive never really cared about race or color at all. Ive dated Black, White, Asian, Russian, Phillipina, German, Bosnian, Hawaiian, and a few others, I'm sure. I spent the majority of my adult years in the Army and chemistry, like minds, visions for the future, and ambition have always attracted me. The mothers of my two daughters just happen to be Black, but that is happenstance. If you choose to date someone not based on race, go for it. I don't feel as if anyone is obligated to date a certain person or a person with certain characteristics. We have to live our lives for ourselves. As a Ph.D student and former Nurse, holding 5 degrees, Ive never had many Black women around me and it never really mattered. I bonded with folks who thought like me and had beautiful outlooks on life, and knew what they wanted in life. It never mattered what color they were. Why restrict yourself? You have an entire world to select from.
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Post by cptheswirlee on Sept 9, 2015 16:24:00 GMT -8
I think so akanundrum1. And the truth of the matter is that black men in their right mind want peace when they come home/ in their relationships. They don't wanna fight with their woman after fighting with the world. All that bickering and contentiousness and NAGGING that is a byproduct of our women muscling so much work and responsibility and causes some of our men not to wanna deal with us. And for that, i don't blame em. Even the bible talks about a nagging and contentious woman that it's better to sleep on the rooftop or be in the desert than dwell in a wide house with her. (Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 25:24) The most attractive women are those with a peaceable spirit, who can relax, are joyous, supportive and uplifting in their words and deeds. And until we return to that natural state of ours we will continue to push some of our men away. To heal we gotta own up to the part we played in the situation and tell the truth so we can get back to the good stuff. That good lovin! Beautifully stated |
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Post by rayjefury on Sept 10, 2015 7:07:13 GMT -8
Very interesting topic. I see some have had the courage to speak up about bad mothers (which I agree is a taboo subject).
Allow me to add a different wrinkle. Yes there men who may date outside of their culture and race because what their mothers were not, but there are also those who date outside because of what their mothers were. More specifically if their mothers were never critical of them, took care of them beyond proportion and (for lack of a better term) spoiled them, that's what they might look for in a mate.
And so maybe some of this discord is a function of the fact that black women (bring on the front lines on the war against oppression along side black men) don't have the bandwidth to spoil and cater to men. They are tired and weary too and so they are more interested in having a partner who can help take care of them rather than adding someone else that they'll have to serve.
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Post by rayjefury on Sept 10, 2015 7:11:30 GMT -8
Also one more thing, sometimes we just love who we love, and that's all there is to it. Sometimes who we choose with our hearts is not a statement we make about others value with our brains. I rarely see anyone question self love or parental issues when it's a black woman dating outside. There's rarely (at least in my experience) any pathology attached to it.
Actually I think the assumption was that she was a catch and that the brothers just played around and missed the boat.
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Post by mskenya on Sept 10, 2015 18:30:06 GMT -8
I've always wanted to know if they were truly happy or doing this out of anger only. And how hard is it to raise the children. I had a classmate who started a family with a white woman and said he loved her so much, then the baby came and he had an issue with the complexion, it was really sad. He was ashamed of the little one. Every time I see a situation similar to his I always think about the kids
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Post by lexxrey on Sept 10, 2015 22:07:51 GMT -8
I've always wanted to know if they were truly happy or doing this out of anger only. And how hard is it to raise the children. I had a classmate who started a family with a white woman and said he loved her so much, then the baby came and he had an issue with the complexion, it was really sad. He was ashamed of the little one. Every time I see a situation similar to his I always think about the kids The husband had a complex but it doesn't mean the child would unless the father perpetuated that shame onto the child. I'm biracial and turned out fine. I think rayjefury hit the nail on the head. My father is black and was the only boy out of three kids and was quite babied by his mother and sisters. My mother is Hispanic and the men in her family are catered to by the women. I'm not saying my dad couldn't have found that quality in a black woman but I'm sure it was easy to see that the culture my mother came from fit the type of treatment he was accustomed to. I'm sure this is not why every black man might go outside of their race but it made the point rayjefury had made credible from what I've seen in my own life. |
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Post by rayjefury on Sept 11, 2015 3:36:30 GMT -8
I've always wanted to know if they were truly happy or doing this out of anger only. And how hard is it to raise the children. I had a classmate who started a family with a white woman and said he loved her so much, then the baby came and he had an issue with the complexion, it was really sad. He was ashamed of the little one. Every time I see a situation similar to his I always think about the kids The husband had a complex but it doesn't mean the child would unless the father perpetuated that shame onto the child. I'm biracial and turned out fine. I think rayjefury hit the nail on the head. My father is black and was the only boy out of three kids and was quite babied by his mother and sisters. My mother is Hispanic and the men in her family are catered to by the women. I'm not saying my dad couldn't have found that quality in a black woman but I'm sure it was easy to see that the culture my mother came from fit the type of treatment he was accustomed to. I'm sure this is not why every black man might go outside of their race but it made the point rayjefury had made credible from what I've seen in my own life. It's amazing how often both men and women seek to recreate or rectify the relationship they had with 1 or more of their parents with their significant other. Thanks for helping me corroborate this idea lexxrey |
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Post by justme1987 on Sept 24, 2015 7:58:12 GMT -8
This is a Great Topic. I have often wondered...Why a black man would not want to date a black woman? Every reason is different . I feel as it could just be a personal preference for a black man. Why do some not all dark skin men date only light skin women or vice versa. Why am I more attracted to a tall, dark, and bald head man rather than light skin?
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Post by sunshine on Sept 24, 2015 9:36:27 GMT -8
Honestly I struggle with this...from so many ways...I want my children to make and procreate with a black person and while my son has only once dated a short time...like to the prom and a few months after that...that has been it. On one hand I want to say your free to date whom you want yet I always say I want you (son & daughter) to be with a black person and I get that "it's my choice". I'm quick to ask the young teens that ask to take my daughter out....Do your parents know she's black...have actually got rid of a few that way but there is one who is very persistent. My son currently dates a Dominican woman who's a single mom....he takes care of her and her kids...now even that used to bother me than I had to realize that's the way I raised him to be...the provider, protector, teacher and leader so I don't say anything now. When men say they only date light skin black women to me it's a turn off mainly bc it's usually coming from a brother who is dark skin...last date...that doesn't impress me as if I don't have family that are dark skin women-he becomes the weakest link in my mind.
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Post by 86too4ever on Dec 7, 2015 10:55:53 GMT -8
How does a black man, love his mother but denounce black women for dating or refuses to marry a black woman? This still confuses me. I didn't have my mother in my life growing up (she's alive and well) but I cannot take anyone but a black woman as a serious partner in dating and relationships. |
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