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Post by thedonleeboy on Aug 29, 2015 8:15:09 GMT -8
respect  |
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Post by thedonleeboy on Aug 29, 2015 8:16:13 GMT -8
lots of respect
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papasankofa
Male
Leaving Babylon
Posts: 3 
Relationship: Single Searching
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Post by papasankofa on Aug 29, 2015 8:31:39 GMT -8
I don't know if reducing our needs into a boxed archetype helps any in the long run. If we begin to examine our differences in thought patterns, variations in consciousness etc we can tailor our approach based who we really are, instead of the usual "men need this" and "women need to do that" type of perspective. Alot of parents (Thru no fault of their own) carry a very narrow view of humanity. The usual result of this can lead to mental trauma and repression in the child. We have alot of past research that is still relevant today that can aid in our understanding of what we are dealing with. When our education (in or outside of the classroom) begins to deal with who we are and the variant personality types that exist, we can better nurture our children and help them develop into fully functioning, healthy adults
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Post by investedmother on Aug 30, 2015 17:45:17 GMT -8
I absolutely believe we can. I am 30 years old and a single parent my son is 6 years old. One thing I do not want to have him grow up and call me is a strong black woman. I simply want to remove that ideaology from him. I want him to view me as his mother. Granted, I am naturally hard and life has hardened me more so I am a bit emotionally detached. And I do not want him to grow up and have the misconception that women are hard and not soft. I do not want him to feel like he has to be less because his mother had been more etc. I say this because I have noticed that my strength can be overpowering and it could potentially have him grow up insecure. As a woman I cannot raise a man but, I am very careful to only be his mother and not attempt to assume both roles. Having him grow up comfortable in his skin with good values is of the utmost importance to me. And as a single black woman it is important to me that he see me as only his nurturing mother that he loves and respects and not a drill sergeant who did not show emotion.
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Post by akanundrum on Aug 30, 2015 17:59:35 GMT -8
One thing I do not want to have him grow up and call me is a strong black woman. I simply want to remove that ideaology from him. I want him to view me as his mother. Granted, I am naturally hard and life has hardened me more so I am a bit emotionally detached. And I do not want him to grow up and have the misconception that women are hard and not soft. THIS!!!! Sis You just hit the nail on the head!! Thank you! |
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Post by investedmother on Aug 30, 2015 18:10:10 GMT -8
Thank you. I am always trying to evolve as a mother, woman, and person. This world has really gotten out of hand but, our children are OURS. We have to ensure we feed them mentally and physically good nourishment. So being the product of a single parent home I really paid attention to what I loved and disliked about my mom when I became one. And women and men are really wired differently. You have to be selfless to see things from others perspectives in order to be your best self I think. And I really pay attention to his disposition at times. He keeps me honest ❤ Giving him back to the world as a strong pillar ready to make a difference and a person that I was proud to sacrifice for is my goal.
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Post by acamp403 on Aug 30, 2015 19:52:28 GMT -8
Im glad i saw this post, its very helpful as iam raising two boys. I know sometime i can get a little hard on my boys, but i bring it back down because i do realize i cant be both like amirinyahya said above?  . I think thats why we be so hard because we're trying to be mama and daddy also want them to turn out well. But this could also be hurting them and our image as black women. It scares me sometime because of the way the world is. I teach my boys how to treat a woman and what a woman expects from a man. Thanks for this post because it reminds me the way i talk to my boys , and teach them could possibly affect the way they see and treat black women at some point in their lives. |
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Post by cptheswirlee on Aug 31, 2015 5:20:50 GMT -8
I went through this with my oldest son. I was young(er) and angry with myself. I thought I was doing what his father should've been doing but I was just filled with anger. My dad is the one who told me "Mom is the name of God to a child". He told me to be soft, tender and moving with my child and not to worry about him having "strong male figures and discipline". He was right. Now I have three sons and I find myself getting softer after every birth. It took me reconnecting to my femininity and understanding that I CANNOT BE BOTH! When I did that, not only did my child grow in love with me, I created space for a father to come in and love him and a husband to love me fully. Helping other women, and going through the change myself, helps me see that the missing piece is femininity. NOT feminism, but true FEMININE power. It's irresistable to all males, including our sons. They are much more apt to listen, respect, protect, and love us when we are fully IN our feminine power. This is beautiful |
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Post by akanundrum on Nov 1, 2015 11:05:09 GMT -8
In my current relationship, Im finding this to be more and more true. The other day, I was sick & in the hospital and I needed something from our house so I asked my guy to run home and get it for me. Nearly TWO HOURS passed before he returned. I was pissed to say the least. Come to find out, his Mother needed him to install a new toilet in her bathroom. Mind you, her guy was at the house and fully capable of taking care of this for her, right. So I asked my guy "Did you tell your Mother that I was waiting for you... AT THE HOSPITAL???" He looks at me (like Im wrong for being upset) and says "What did you want me to do? I can't say "no" to my Momma. I did what she told me to do." Situations like these are beginning to happen more and more frequently. In the beginning of my relationship, she LOVED me. She'd brag to everyone about what a good woman I was for her son, she introduced me as her daughter/daughter-in-law (even before the ring) and now it's all changed. She says little things to him about us getting married, about our kids and she is very manipulative. As a black woman, I hate the way things are btwn us now. Ive sat and talked with her both with and without my guy being present. What I keep hearing her say is that she doesn't think her "baby" (he's an only child) is ready for a family. She went so far as to try to PAY me to leave him back in May! She may mean well but she is coming off as one of "those" mommas from hell. Idk if how much more Im going to tolerate and he is too afraid to tell his mom her place. Wow!! The overbearing-ness is seriously an issue! |
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